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Shalom

10/14/2017

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Week day lunch
Last time I wrote on this blog I was sitting in a quiet cafe on a leafy street of the French Concession in Shanghai. I had no idea that a few months later I would have done the same thing but on a bustling street of Tel Aviv.
"Are you moving again ? - are you kidding right ?" This is what I have been hearing over and over again from friends and acquaintances in utter disbelief. This is what I kept repeating myself the first few days after we made the decision to start a new adventure not only geographically but also professionally.
However this time it was different because we had chosen to leave. We finally got hold of our life and stopped being at the mercy of corporate strategies very often overlooking and disregarding the toll paid by the families escorting their managers.
I was only a bit hesitant over the perspective of living in Israel which is a country we have obvious ties with. I always liked the idea of living in a neutral zone that we both had to explore and grasp from scratch.
​However soon other considerations such as having the grandparents support, a daily blue sky and fast internet had won me over.

A famous philosopher used to say that decision is an instant of madness.
I couldn't agree more. I'm always struck by how fast we make very impactful decisions on our life and by that handful of seconds when hesitation and doubts vanish and everything finally looks so clear and obvious. In that moment I feel swiftly projected onto the future and the present seems to be loosing its relevance.
I finally said YES to Tel Aviv during a morning jog around Xintiandi when the plane trees were blossoming and the smell of fried buns was filling up the air. A few moments later I was already nostalgic.
Six months on and here I am in the sunny Holyland. The first few weeks have been rough as I particularly resented the shift from the Chinese attitude to the Israeli.
When a Chinese worker steps into your house only to change a light bulb, he takes off his shoes and covers the floor and the walls with padded panels to avoid any damage. 
When an Israeli plumber comes in to unplug a toilet after climbing down the sewage, he doesn't mind walking with his soiled shoes into your kitchen to pour himself a glass of water.
I was so used to get so many polite though meaningless “YES, YES” when Chinese were clearly not understanding my questions in English whereas here it’s many “MA ??? (what?) blurted out by impatient individuals.

Having said that taking an early morning walk on the beach when the sea is still waking up or savouring an Israeli salad with a piece of freshly baked bagel and an ice cold lemon-mint juice, or Limonana, are among the many reasons why this place is, after all, called the Holy land.
Israelis are often referred to as Sabra, the Cactus fruit, because in spite of their spiny look they can be very sweet and kind. It's true.
Eventually also the plumber who steps into your kitchen with dirty shoes is a very sweet and friendly human being with simply no manners. 
I'm sure the heat and the persistent good weather have an impact on the temper of Israelis who tend to ignite very animated discussions about just everything. The level of yelling among people gets so high you sometimes fear the worst but shortly afterwards it's like nothing happened.

Ok, now what about safety ? Yes, what Israel is most renowned for, what is having friends and family worried when you say you're moving over here.
The inconvenient truth is that nowadays Israel is a far safer and more secure place to be than most countries in Europe. But also in the past and over twenty years of multiple visits to this country, I never felt uncomfortable or in danger.
Yet, young soldiers on the streets, the bag search at the entrance of every big store, military helicopters patrolling the sky are daily reminders that this is indeed a special country.
However, on one side you get used to it, on the other life here can be so nice and fulfilling that you almost forget about all that until you're asked again by someone abroad : "How is it there ? Aren't you afraid ?"
I'd rather say that the real threats to my life here are the abuse of air conditioning which can easily freeze you so don't forget to carry a sweater in your bag, bad drivers, and Halva, a sweet made of sesame paste and honey, you can gain weight only by gazing at.


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Friends to go

2/27/2017

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Yesterday a message popped out on my cellphone screen reminding me to renew my Vpn (Virtual private network) service.  
Believe it or not six months have already past since when on a very hot day of August we landed in Shanghai and Internet stopped working !

Six months on I am happy here and
it all happened much quicker and smoother than I expected. Though my heart is still cringing every time I close my eyes and think about New York and I Know I will never get over it, here in Shanghai, where I still don't understand much of what's happening around me, I keep ordering the wrong food, I'm panicking when the translator app on my cellphone gets stuck and as first thing in the morning I check the pollution level, I am having a good time.  How can it be ?

One thing that really helped me to navigate through the adjustement process is to have quickly found new friends. And this is particularly easy in Shanghai for obvious reasons - you are an outsider who belongs to a minority. At least at the beginning, sticking to other people like you is inevitable and also a way to feel less stranded. Though with time you might find more things in common with a Chinese than a Swedish. 

The international school is typically the place where to fish for new friends. Most families are a mess exactly like you with cross cultural parents and kids who are confused and multilingual.  
Everybody is a guest here in Shanghai and doesn't know for how long. Everybody is struggling with misunderstandings and chopsticks exactly like you. The connection is immediate.

This time I got hooked up on a group of very funny and entertaining Italian women and of course, in less than a week, it felt like I have known them for years. They are now kind of my family here in Shanghai.
With them I'm once again experiencing what I call a “fast-paced friendship", a way of growing very close to people who just a couple of hours earlier were total strangers. Suddenly they become irreplaceable presences in your life with whom you end up sharing everything from trivial matters to deep thoughts. 
It is a phenomenon that happened to me a lot since living abroad. And this is why I'm never too tired to tell people, who are about to pack up and go and sad to leave lifelong friends behind and fearing loneliness, not to worry because they will meet strangers they will be even sadder to say goodbye to. They will find in them the best support to fully enjoy the expat adventure with all the ups and downs that come with it. 

In Shanghai my new friends are mostly Western peers. The language barrier doesn't facilitate the exchange with locals. However I do try my best to break the invisible wall that, also at school, seems to separate Western from Asian families (Chinese kids can get into the international school provided they have a double nationality) and in the end I managed to spend some time with a couple of Shanghainese moms which was enjoyable and enriching.

In Taipei it was much easier to hang out with locals. Taiwanese are very friendly and their English is generally almost academic compared to here. Kindhearted and welcoming, those I hanged out with really helped me to adjust and get by when I was still an unexperienced expat. Plus, they gave me a precious insight into a different culture as well as a new perspective to look at things and base my judgements.
Among other things it is in Taipei where I picked up the habit of constantly drinking warm water that my family back in Italy still finds kind of weird.

In New York City where once again I was an outsider surrounded by locals or by people who lived long enough in the Big Apple to be considered as such, I also haven’t met many expats. However New Yorkers, with some exceptions of course, are tough cookies. You must be first acknowledged, then trusted and finally accepted. Nothing personal but they’re in a constant rush from somewhere or to somewhere and it takes time before they even notice you. What could you expect from people who drink their coffee while walking ? How can they have time for you ? However, when you miraculously manage to grab a quick lunch together, make them relax and take a breath, they’re actually very likeable and quickly conquer your heart.

Montréal was just the perfect place. We lived in a wonderful neighbourhood where expats and locals are living side by side. Montrealers are also more laid back and relaxed than their cousins beyond the border. They actually sit to drink their coffee. There I met some wonderful people who have become dearest and precious friends.

Every time I left one place the hardest thing was to say goodbye to good friends I did not know when and where I could see again. Every time I came to a new place broken-hearted, I tried my best not to get attached to anyone anymore. Yet I did it over and over again. Why ?
As hurtful as it can be, this is the reason why I have been enjoying my erratic life so much and believe it's still worth all the fun and the bitterness.
We deeply love our friends and, while waiting for new ones, we virtually take the old ones with us like New Yorkers do with their coffee to go.

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Only the brave

9/25/2016

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Taobao "good luck" home page
Enough is enough, I said to myself last week. I temporarily stopped my daily urban excursions and, one morning, still wearing my pajama, I took up a new challenge : Sign in to Taobao, the local Amazon, the ultimate experience of Chinese online shopping.
After hearing for days and to exhaustion  : Do you like it ? I found it on Taobao - You should look for it on Taobao ! - You'll see how convenient Taobao is ..." I had to give it a try.
There was just a little but negligible detail : the Taobao website is only available in Chinese which, as we all know, is not one of the friendliest languages to approach.

For this reason, most expats they either wait for a local soul to help them out decrypting those little tiny scribbles or they simply give up. 
After waiting in vain for someone’s help, I decided to take the bull by the horns.
After all, yes, Chinese looks pretty hard because you can't event read it but if I was in Russia or even in Germany, with their never ending words, I would also be in trouble. Plus, nowadays, there are tools that come in handy such excellent translators you can download on your cellphone or computer. 
You just have to choose the right one considering that those supported, for instance, by Google, which is blocked by the Chinese Firewall, do not work or if they do, because you trick the system by using a VPN service, they drastically slow down the connection speed. 
I found Microsoft translator or Bing translator, which are better liked by the Chinese government, quite good and helpful. Together with a bottle of tranquillisers, to keep my nerves steady, they helped me defying the great monster Taobao.

​After a few attempts I managed to complete the registration and logged in. 
Now it was time to purchase something. I decided to risk only a few yuan and instead of a Prada bag, which is also available there, I searched for something cheap and familiar like bottles of San Benedetto sparkling water. The name San Benedetto was enough for Taobao to understand what I needed so, a second later, a page full of pictures of blu bottles in all sorts of packaging popped out. I clicked on the first option, totally ignoring the  gibberish all around the picture frame, because I was already too tired to copy and paste more words on the translator. Instead I just clicked on a big yellow button I kind of assumed the meaning of being "Pay for your order”.

Of course, God forbid the payment process could only be intuitive and easy enough to be figured out quickly. Unlike Amazon, on Taobao you cannot simply insert your credit card details and thank you very much for your order. No, payments on Taobao are processed through Alipay which is a third party service such as Paypal. And, of course, to Alipay you need to register too which I did, carefully inputting all the required information, and in Chinese of course, until I clicked a red button and I got a pop out window that filled me with a mix of enthusiasm and adrenaline : successful registration ! 

I was so excited that I thought, ​ok, this is it, I made it, I am a genius. I immediately texted my hubby to show off   and a couple of friends too, totally unaware that there was just a little problem : I actually never paid for the water. At the end so “Much ado for nothing”!
After completing the registration process I was supposed to set up a secret code in order to finalise complete the payment but somehow I missed that part.


Anyways, at that point my priority had become another, to log out of all the websites I signed in to. I started to look frantically everywhere, to copy and paste every possible command on the translator but I simply couldn’t find the right one. 
My kids came back from school in the afternoon and I didn't even looked at them, my eyes being stuck on the screen trying to solve the “Log out" riddle.
Only few hours later, when everybody was already asleep, I don't know what I touched but my username had magically disappeared. I was so relieved that I celebrated with a glass of wine and went to bed with a smile upon my face. As expected, 48 hours later, there was still no news of my San Benedetto water which was a bit suspicious for an express delivery, though from Beijing because I had not checked the vendor location :-)
I had to log in again and after another half a day of work with the translator, a considerable amount of sweat and swear, I finally clued in and realised what I still had to do in order to get soon hydrated. 


Now I’m aware there are women in this world who achieved more than purchasing water bottles online, though sparkling, but this doesn’t lessen the huge sense of pride I felt right after this epic exploit. 

Few years ago, I would never attempted such a thing. I remember cautiously approaching Amazon when in Montreal still afraid of messing something up. In Taipei, I even asked my Chinese teacher to explain me the functioning of our very sophisticated toilet in fear of being sucked down. Now that I’m perhaps more experienced I think it’s crucial when living abroad to break the invisible barrier holding me on the edge of reality and try to penetrate the new environment. This makes me feel less suspended and trapped inside a bubble and acts as a booster of confidence for further challenges along the way. And here there are many, I tell ya !
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First steps

8/30/2016

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PictureXintiandi
My daily exploration trips just started.
In the first few days we had other things to take care of such as finding the nearest grocery store and fill up the fridge which is, by the way, the only thing giving me an idea of stability and permanence. The apartment is still empty and our stuff is supposed to hit the Chines shore only in a handful of days.
Once again, I'm learning to live minimalist which is not so bad after all : less stuff to dust, no unnecessary clutter around the house. However my back hurts from watching tv lying on the floor and sleeping on an inflatable mattress. Of course, nothing a good masseur won't be able to fix :-)

Anyways, like in Taipei, we're back to be dependent on three different supermarkets to find all the products we need and know and, of course, two of them are very conveniently located on the other side of town.
Around where we live there's a couple of very fancy grocery stores selling courgettes with the same display and price of Tiffany's jewelry and where, I believe, the tomatoes are regularly dusted and polished one by one. I'm ready to go over the budget for a box of caviar or a bottle of champagne but not for a carrot.
Therefore we’d rather go to other stores, like Carrefour, selling mostly Chinese goods where the excitement and the sense of achievement at the sight of a familiar brand or product is overwhelming :
- Look they have Barilla !!!!! 
- Look this is ricotta cheese !!!
Or, and this is by far the best option, we do our shopping online through several vendors with English websites and a good selection of imported goods.

So now the fridge is full and so is the pantry. My stock of detergents is pretty decent which is quite reassuring to a cleaning freak like me. 
I had to replace some appliances because the voltage here is different. I can work with a transformer, a very heavy black box I plug my device into and then plug this into the wall but it’s taking too long and it’s annoying.
So, first thing I've got myself is a very sophisticated wireless steam iron just because I couldn't handle anymore being pushed to buy it by this Chinese woman shouting incomprehensible things into my ear, a blowdryer and a vacuum but both very old school at her utmost disbelief :  Vacuum with bags very old, very old !

Eventually, Wednesday last week, I found myself free and ready to take a walk in my new neighbourhood, finally connecting streets where I’ve previously been, in some sort of a personal map where I’m also marking special places of interest which happen to be, at least in my case, mostly shops. Museums and cultural spots can wait. 
Muji, the Japanese store, is what has dragged me outside first and pushed me to walk all the way until their flagship store which was a sight for sore eyes.
On three levels with a lovely café inside, it's on Huahuai Road, approximately 20 minutes walk, or one subway stop, from Xintiandi, the neighbourhood where we live.

​I liked Xintiandi since our discovery trip in May when I was still very depressed and sad at the idea of leaving my beloved Upper West Side.
It must have been the term "Xin/new" to inspire me. After all in Taipei we were living in Xin-yi and both the neighbourhoods have some resemblances. Central yet recently renovated, are dotted by brand new buildings and malls but, at the same time, at a stone throw away from more authentic streets. 
Xintiandi has also a very nice old site of so called Shikumen houses dating back to the mid 19th Century that have been restored and turned into cafes and shops. A bit touristic of course but not bad at all for a first morning coffee at the very beginning of a new experience in Shanghai.
From there it's nice to walk along Fuxing Road and to its crossing streets until the French Concession which is celebrated as the nicest neighbourhood in Shanghai. This is where many expat are hanging out as you can see from the crowd sitting in its cozy cafes and restaurants.
By now I'm quite familiar with Anfu Road, where the Italian Consulate has also his offices, and the perpendicular Wulumuqi Road, name that I've always found pretty curious. 
In Anfu Road there's also a store with an incredible selection of movies in dvd for ridiculous prices, including very recent releases which is offsetting the lack of Netflix and the poor quality of the local cable network.

So far my morning walks truly helped me connecting the dots and getting a clearer idea of my whereabouts, feeling less lost and stranded. I must also say that getting around Shanghai is pretty easy.
The subway system is much better than in New York. All the signage is, at least for now, also in English, the trains run often, the platforms are safe because protected by glass panels that are preventing accidental or intentional falls in the tracks, and it's clean.
Taxis can also be handy and extremely cheap as long as the driver understands where you're going which is not often the case.
There were a couple of occasions where my PI (Patience Index) reached an alarming level trying to get to pronounce correctly a million times a very short street name while getting back from the driver a clueless gaze paired by a repetitive "buzidao/I don'tknow".
So far I learnt that yellow cabs are slightly more expensive but the drivers not only seem they more cooperative and smart but their cars are also cleaner and less smelly. 
However, according to many, Uber is, also here, in Shanghai, the best option but we're still figuring out how to set up an account with a local credit card.

My next plan is to turn into a committed tourist and explore, day by day, a new area of this immense city so that even if we move again soon and unexpectedly I won't have any sorts of regrets such as I wish I did this or saw that like it happened in NYC. 
And now I have plenty of time to do that because I'm somehow in early retirement as my kids disappear to school very early in the morning and I don't see them until the afternoon. I love it  and want to enjoy every single bit of a long deserved freedom.

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One of my daily maps
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Time to move ... again !

8/25/2016

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Oops, it happened again. When least expected, of course, we got the order : Guys, it’s time to move again !
Nevermind we actually liked New York, nevermind my kids made new friends, nevermind I eventually started a project, like Moms & Boxes, I care so much about. There was absolutely nothing I could do, expect divorcing, that could keep me right where I was. 
And this time we weren’t talking anywhere near like New York from Montreal. No, this time it's Asia again and, more precisely, Shanghai.

Let’s say that, at first, I didn’t like it at all. It was a new disruption right when I just recovered from the previous one. There was a lot of stress and many sleepless nights that also turned me into a teeth grinder and got me more white hair :-) I was a mess.
I was very angry and resentful towards my husband’s company for not considering the impact of their decisions on the family. But, once again, should they ? Or, as a friend of mine has pointed out : Isn’t one of the reasons why they get you so many benefits ? So they feel free to move you at will ?
I might argue that the expat package should be, in the first place, an incentive for employees to venture out in foreign countries dragging along their families, overcoming daily challenges and homesickness, rather than compensation for further hassles. 

However, either way, this is it and, for now, I have to put up with it, partly because I didn’t find a way out of it, partly because, and this is what perhaps only a good therapist could explain, I still like the challenge of setting up a new life somewhere else. It’s like writing on the white pages of a new notepad.

​And, of course, Moms & Boxes is moving on with me to enlarge its network of friend also in Shanghai.
Additionally, I will try my best to write about each step of this new move and see if I am still consistent with all the advice I gave in my previous posts.If the support of fellow expat women and moms was, in my opinion, the key element to my Moms & Boxes project, now, that I am going through a new transition, I simply think it's essential. 
As a matter of fact, thank to the precious help of a few friends here In Shanghai I have previously met “virtually”, the adjustment process is going much smoother that I could possibly imagine. 
My wish is to give every new mom in town the same opportunity.
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Tips for a soft landing

5/16/2016

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A superhero can come in pretty handy too
My advice to those of you, embarking on a new expat adventure, regardless of the destination, which can be less attractive or promising than an another, is the following:
 
1. Get out
Overcome your demotivation or fear of the unknown and take a walk in the streets around your building or house.
When I moved to Taipei, I spent the first week at home venturing out just to buy groceries for our survival or to drop something off at the dry cleaner as my washer was pretty basic and threatening.
However one day I woke up and realize that I couldn’t be doing that for the following two or three years without ending up in therapy for misanthropy.
I then committed myself to take a short walk everyday either in the old part of my neighborhood, pushing the stroller mostly in the middle of these very tiny alleys with no sidewalk and lined by what I believe are the ugliest buildings in the world, or inside the intricate pathway connecting all the fancy malls recently built around the 101 tower which is Taipei’s landmark.
Every daily trip helped me getting a better sense of my whereabouts and gradually making me feel more oriented and settled.
 
2. Explore
Look out for a coffee place or a store that you like and try to go there at least a couple of times a week, kids permitting of course.
This is a key element in order to build up your new routine.
Wherever I went, the priority was for me to find a nice place to hang out by myself.
Ideally it should be a cozy café or a restaurant where to sit and spend sometime outside home while pondering over your catastrophic new life and hopefully meet new people.
In Taipei the verbal interaction with other customers was a bit challenging but being recognised or even greeted by a smiling barista or cashier would make my day. 
Whereas in Montreal or even here in New York City my Monday morning cappuccinos brought me to meet very nice and interesting strangers who, either locals or aliens themselves, often turned into new good friends.
 
3. Be curious
While busy getting your family organized, save yourself half a day or just a couple of hours to go and be a tourist of your new city.
Bring along your guide book if, old fashioned like me, you still believe in printed paper and patiently discover, neighborhood by neighborhood, the place where your life will be staged in the upcoming months or years.
I often came across other expat women who’d spend their days in the closed perimeter of their neighbourhood, especially if an expat compound, completely ignoring the surrounding areas. What a waste!
Unleash your curiosity and, on the contrary, even if not extremely practical, include other parts of town in your everyday life by, for example, picking, like me, your hair salon a bit farther than down your street.
 
4. Keep a journal
At the beginning, what really helped me in Taipei was writing about my days.
Notes about funny discoveries, discouraging moments, adventurous trips to the grocery store, endless misunderstandings have, first, filled long emails to my family then become the content of a blog, Quitaipei, which I am still keeping years later.
I am not alone in this. Internet is swamped with blogs kept by erratic people like me recording their experience worldwide.
Writing often helps sorting yourself out without spending too much money on a therapist. Sharing your first impressions and feelings is not only helping you to gradually take it all out without reaching your breaking point and hit your husband, but also your family and friends to better understand the challenges of being a so called trailing spouse.
Too often, in fact, people have a pretty distorted image of an expat woman as a privileged human being who is spending half of her time playing tennis and the other having her nails done. A very unreal scenario considering that, at least for the first few months, you have no friends to play tennis with and not a clue where the closest nail salon is. And even if you knew, no time whatsoever to go.
 
4. Hang around at school
Your kids’ school quickly becomes your main source of social interaction. Or at least it should. I personally have contradictory experiences but at the end that’s where I have always met at least a couple of very good friends.
In Taipei, I put Matteo, my oldest child in a Chinese Montessori-oriented preschool where, with the exception of another American woman, I was the only non taiwanese parent. I have no regrets but let’s say that my interaction with other parents was almost zero. The language barrier turned out to be the greatest obstacle in spite of my efforts to use the little Chinese I learned. Good morning, how are you? I like rice were somehow never enough to persuade some parents to invest in a possible friendship.
On the other hand, their lack of confidence in English often discouraged them from making any attempt to talk to me. Sometimes they were simply not interested at all.
However I was paid off in Montreal. The preschool both my kids attended was where I met almost all the people who have become such an important part of my life and the reason why, at the end, it was so difficult to leave.
Most of them, like me, were coming from other countries which helped creating an immediate bond but a few others were lifelong Montrealers and yet extremely welcoming and open.
New York is a bit tricky. A much busier place, here people are always rushing and less into meeting for a coffee after drop off. Most of the moms are also working which understandably doesn’t leave them time to hang out with you. And some of them, well, they just don’t care.
However, once again and particularly in my youngest son’s class, a small group of kids whose parents are meeting every morning in the classroom, I met lovely people for a daily quick chit chat before parting in different directions.
This is how I got first tips about kids’ activities, babysitters, doctors and many other things I was curious about.
Anyways my suggestion is beforehand to ask the school principal or the head of the admissions to put you in touch with other families who, like you, are from abroad. Getting to know people who have been through the same experience can be helpful and reassuring. And if you’re lucky they can also become your first good friends.
 
5. Laugh
I never cried so much since I became an expat. Tears have copiously run down my cheeks during departures, arrivals and bad days when I simply felt lonely and lost. Partly it was because of the hormones after two pregnancies, partly because living this kind of life is often emotionally overwhelming.
However I also laughed as much. Laughing is essential and the best way to make it through the day.
I’m always trying to look at myself from the outside like a clumsy super hero who’s desperately trying to survive on another planet.
I know laughing doesn’t come easy for certain people but being an expat can transform you and, at some point, you’ll understand that laughing at frustrating situations, annoying people but most of all at yourself is quite beneficial. Putting a smile upon your face will also make you more likeable and attractive, making your life much more enjoyable.
Crying or moaning over the past is very understandable but not helpful. Unfortunately we always know what we leave behind but not what’s ahead of us that is often even better.
Or as Kierkegaard puts it: “Life can only be understood backward; but it must be lived forwards.”

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Why am I an expat ?

5/6/2016

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In the shower, the only spot where I manage to be alone for a few minutes, sometimes a question is buzzing my head: Why did I become an expat? How did it happen that I decided to leave whatever was familiar to me to embark on this perpetual travelling around the world?
 
I don’t have a short answer because it did not happen in one day and for one reason only. It was more the combination of different factors affecting my life since I was in college and well beyond that.
In fact I actually think that my drive to travel was unconsciously triggered by all the trips abroad with my parents when I was following them only wishing to be somewhere else with my friends.
Not to mention that I was often blamed for not being brave enough to use my little and scholastic English with the locals unlike my brother who was even younger than me.
Few years on, my brother is still living in the same neighborhood where he grew up in Milan while I have already changed four countries and three continents.
 
Yet in order to prove my parents wrong and also get a break from them and their holiday trips, it was me who decided to take one year out of architecture studies in London, which ended up being a life changer not for my academic achievements but for finding the man I would later marry and follow around the globe.
When I met him and learned he was from a different country, I kind of knew right away that travelling would become the theme of our future life.
 
When, few years later, he was offered his first assignment as an expat abroad, in Taipei, though I just had a baby and a job waiting for me in Milan, my hometown, we said “yes”. Primarily, I guess, for his career progress and a much better financial condition but also for curiosity and sense of adventure, because, after all, you live only once and such an experience can make your life more interesting for the better or the worse.
There is just one minor detail that went totally overlooked: once you start moving, it can be very difficult to stop. Plus, in our case, going back “home” was never an option as we’re coming from two different countries.
 
I must say that, in my case, I was lucky enough to feel pretty confortable everywhere I lived, particularly, in Taiwan where, at the beginning, I thought several times to take the first plane back to Europe. However, at the end not only have I survived the initial cultural shock, endless misunderstandings, queer food, earthquakes shakes, torrential rains but also decided to give birth to my second child, which was a terrific experience.
Eventually Taipei was “home” for me and so it happened in Montreal and now in New York. I’m slowly growing attached to these cities and what is becoming really hard is not really being far from “home” but rather saying goodbye to places holding precious life memories and that I’m not sure I will be able to visit again.
If it weren’t for friends, photographs and one child reminding me of each experience somewhere, it’d feel almost unreal as if it never happened.
Have I ever lived in Taipei or was it a dream?
 
Goodbyes are the hardest part of it all. Every time I move I promise myself not to get involved and not to get attached to my new apartment, to my new street and to new friends.
I hesitate opening all the carton boxes and I’d rather use them instead of furniture so they’re ready for the next move. I try my best to be as unsociable and unlikeable as possible, I don’t go out and in my downtime I’m simply weeping over my nostalgic sadness.
It usually lasts max 48 hours and after that I am back again exploring the neighborhood, socializing with people and slowly getting myself settled before being uprooted again. As a matter of fact I’d rather suffer and be awfully nostalgic afterwards than choosing not to live at all.
I met expat women refusing to integrate and rather sitting at home crossing days off on the calendar until the end of their husband’s assignment Some of them are still there crossing and waiting to go back home.
Friends are often asking me whether am I not tired of this kind of life and am I not feeling too drifted and lonely.
Yes, at times, I am. However I am now such a disassociated human being that, on the one side, I do want to put the roots somewhere permanently but on the other, perhaps, I still don’t mind moving.
I’m now used to it and wrapping up a whole house to ship it to the other side of the world is, for me, not a big deal. My only concern is my kids who, frequent travellers already, are growing more attached to their friends and school. Perhaps, at some point, they will ask us to stop somewhere.
Anyways, no, I have no regrets for the choice we made almost six years ago.
So far our life has been wonderfully interesting and has benefitted by each experience. I am now, for instance, much more self-confident and aware I can pretty much survive everywhere. Not to mention that my packing skills are now outstanding!
 
 

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First steps in NYC

3/21/2016

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Central Park - Playground on W85th Street
PictureRose Center for Earth & Space. Outside garden and sprinkles
​When I first started spreading the word about our relocation to New York City, I received two types of reaction: enthusiasm from some, who I suspect, have already been picturing a future of free accommodation in the Big Apple than truly understanding the implications of another displacement for my family; and in contract, a concern in particular from other women and moms.
"New York? How are you going to survive there with the kids? Manhattan? It is a crazy and dangerous place. Why don't you go and live in Brooklyn or in the suburbs?" And then the ultimate “compassionate” line: “I WOULD NEVER MOVE THERE!"
Had it been my first expat experience I would have felt tremendously discouraged and demotivated. But it wasn't the case. Therefore, I simply ignored the comments because one very important learning acquired in years of moving from one country to another is not to be influenced by people's different opinions. They tend to be based mostly on preconceptions, rumours or simply different views people have about moving.
I was well aware that a significant change was at stake. Moving from a suburban house in quiet Westmount, Montreal, where you can leave your front door unlocked all night and in the worst case find a raccoon in your kitchen, to an apartment building in the Upper West Side where neighbours don’t bother greeting each other as they meet in the elevator, is after all quite extreme. However, to my surprise, settling in New York turned out to be much smoother than I had expected. Clearly, I could still think of more pleasant things than unpacking boxes and entertaining two boys in the dazzling heat of July.
But New York was rather embracing.

1. The neighbourhood
After considering a few options, we eventually picked the Upper West Side (or “UWS” as it is better known to New Yorkers) for a place to live. The UWS really is a great neighbourhood for families with children for a number of reasons:
a.       It's in Manhattan but a lot less bustling and hectic than other areas. It is just a few subway stops, or a short cab ride, from Midtown where most offices are, which makes your husband's commute easy, quick and less nerve wracking.
b.      There are more kids and strollers on the UWS sidewalks than adult pedestrians which made my daily trips more relaxing than in other places. (for all their qualities, New Yorkers are not known to be a patient folk so anywhere else in the city they tend to be less welcoming to a slow place stroller pushing mamma).
c.       But in the land of family with kids that is the UWS, it is easy to get help from peer parents when I would you find yourself trapped trying to push the stroller into a store or up or down the stairs of a subway station.

2. Central Park
 If there is one good reason to choose the Upper West Side this is undoubtedly the proximity to the City’s best outdoor playground : Central Park.
This is where, from my first days in NYC, I took my two boys to let off their energies. Moreover, in summer time it's the perfect place for a picnic or to run around in one of the many playgrounds scattered all over.
To my surprise these play areas are very SAFE. Not only are they clean and well-kept but also fence. So, though it's always necessary to keep an eye on the kids, they cannot run away too far and I don't have to strain my eyes. Almost all of them are equipped with sprinkles which offer a free relief and fun without necessarily going to a pool. Taking my kids to a playground was also for me a chance to break away from my domestic enclosure and strike up short conversations with strangers, other parents or nannies, seeking relief from the summer heat under the trees shade. This is how I started collecting more detailed information about my neighbourhood, places to take the kids, and phone numbers of potential babysitters and housekeepers.

​3. Museums
On rainy days I must be honest and say that I'd rather empty more boxes than entertaining my boys. This is the time when I'm entitled, as a mother, to use tv and tablets as a distraction when the kids can’t take it any more in the confines of the apartment. However as I would have later discovered there is no shortage of indoor places where to register your kids for a very wide range of activities (that do not come cheap though).
My usual destination was the American Museum of Natural History on 79th Street and Central Park West where you can get in just by paying a symbolic fee and the kids are always so excited to see the dinosaurs rooms or, even better, the big hall with the whale hanging on the ceiling.
The attached Rose Center for Earth & Space is also worth a quick visit and then, if hungry, we would head to the cafeteria located on the underground level where the kids menu is all you need. In summer time do not expect to be alone though. The museum is under siege by flocks of tourists so walking your way through them is quite challenging and can get you easily tired and… frustrated. Well, you will quickly become an impatient New Yorker too…However if you manage to get there rather early in the morning and enter through the space wing located on the back side along Columbus Avenue, by the time it gets crowded, you are done.

​
Option number two was the Children's Museum of Manhattan on 83rd street where the entrance fee is not discretional but not too expensive either.
My kids really love this place which is basically a big playground on 4 levels with different educational sections that, in case of my kids, are totally ignored. I love it less and every time they ask me to go there I get goose bumps because the idea of finding myself surrounded by a countless number of frolicking kids yelling and squealing is how I picture hell. However, this is my job so after ten minutes of breathing exercises I would give myself in and escort the boys where you shouldn't go if you are still hesitating about motherhood.
My favorite floor is the underground level where there is a contained play area so you can simply stand or even sit by the entrance without becoming cross-eyed, trying to keep a visual contact with your kids who are, otherwise, disappearing amid the crowd.

On my daily outings with the boys, I would often bump into groups of children wearing colourful shirts, giggling and happily playing under the attentive supervision of young counsellors. They were all attending summer camps, a few weeks of fun activities starting right after the end of school and organised by various institutions. Many times, while chasing, in sweat, my kids on their scooters, I asked myself: “Why didn't I think about a damned summer camp? Wouldn't it be easier for me, for them, for us?”
A really pointless question because, first, when we arrived, it was too late to register to any of them and, second, even if given the chance, I would have opted out of it. The transition from Montreal to New York City had been, on a different level, an emotional challenge for the kids too. Therefore, we had to go through our first weeks of adjustment to our new environment together. When everything changes around them they only have me as their steady reference and I must softly guide them towards their new life until they’re comfortable enough to fly alone.







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About me

3/2/2016

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The idea of Moms & Boxes has been in my mind for a few years now. The trouble was that each time I got started, my husband would come home announcing a new international move. Finally, I made up my mind to take a shot at starting it irrespective of when the next call for packing would come (and where to).

My name is Anna and I really hope to meet or hear from you soon. My journey around the world started about 17 years ago when, one warm day of May in London, I’ve met the man I would later marry and join our ride around the world. Growing up in two different countries—Italy for me, Israel for him—travel became, right from the beginning, an integral part of our story. At the beginning, it was the long distance package. The real deal, pre-Skype, pre-FaceTime, long distance call rates. But once finally reunited in neutral Geneva, where he started his first job in a renowned multinational company, we relaxed for five years. I have not lived in a single place for full five year ever since. With his second job, we moved to Milan. Incidentally my hometown. But by then, at least initially, I felt like a stranger.

Less than 3 years later, with only few weeks after our first boy, Matteo, was born, he came home one evening with a sort of a smile that I’d later learn to detect. “We are moving to Taipei” were his words.  I felt like crying and almost filed for divorce. Having done a few moves prior in my life, I did not want to move to the other side of the world with a little baby and also, back then, quit my job.
A couple of months later, we boarded a plane with a one way ticket to Taipei.
Those 3 years in Taipei have been the most fascinating in my life.
An unforgettable experience, not without difficulties, but extremely enriching and formative for who I am today. I met wonderful and good hearted friends I am still in touch with now who helped me a great deal getting by and understanding a different culture, different language and, more generally, a different way of life. From the world’s biggest skeptic, I became so happy and comfortable in Taipei, that, there, I "designed" and "manufactured" our second boy, Tommaso.

As comfortable as I was, and just 5 months after Tommaso was born, my husband came home from the office one day with that suspicious smile I had not seen for a while—“We are moving to Montreal”.
Time to pack up again, ship our stuff, buy a one way ticket and board the plane. In the first few days after landing in Canada, French and English spoken, I felt very happy to be back in a familiar environment. But I kept going for strolls in the local Chinatown to get a “homey” feeling of familiar scents and sites. This time it was a thermal more than a cultural shock. My first winter was 4 months (well) below freezing point after spending almost 3 years in the tropical climate of Taiwan.

We quickly fell in love with Montreal, its unique atmosphere, a perfect blend of both European and American culture and its seasonal breathtaking colours. This time we wanted to stay longer. We bought and redesigned a house and just when we were about to finish, during a short break with the kids in Italy—my husband on Skype with the same old suspicious smile, “We are moving to New York”.
I loved my life in Montreal, I made fabulous friends, designed our own family home, I wanted that to last. But could I say no to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to live in the Big Apple ? Few months on and I was again a on a plane, with a one way ticket to New York City, two kids and lots of good memories stored in my boxes

We have been here for eight months now. Every evening when my husband comes home, calls me on the phone or Facetimes me, I shake a little because I know it could happen again. However, instead of worrying about the future, I decided to put my present time to the use of other women who are trying, like me, to figure out their life in a brand new place and, more specifically, in the city that never sleeps.



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Welcome 

3/1/2016

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​This blog is a logbook where to collect and record stories, opinions, comments, pictures from our friends not only in New York City but across the world.
Everybody is welcome and encouraged to contribute.
You can email us the content of what you would like to post and we will post if for you.
Moms & Boxes speaks many different languages. English is the one we all share but not necessarily the one we excel at so don’t be shy. 
​We're looking forward to hearing from you !


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